


The Duke's Parlormaid

by AlexElizabeth



Category: Lord Peter Wimsey - Dorothy L. Sayers
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-17
Updated: 2019-12-17
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:40:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,544
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21839227
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlexElizabeth/pseuds/AlexElizabeth
Summary: A story in correspondence, with detective interruptions.
Relationships: Harriet Vane/Peter Wimsey
Comments: 25
Kudos: 148
Collections: Yuletide 2019





	The Duke's Parlormaid

**Author's Note:**

  * For [JanLevine](https://archiveofourown.org/users/JanLevine/gifts).

Duke’s Denver, Norfolk  
1st December, 1940

Dear Harriet,

I heard today that Peter has been called away suddenly in service to the Crown. I feel obliged to invite you and the children to come to stay at Duke’s Denver. The timing is very inconvenient because Gerald is in Town and Jerry is at Denver convalescing from the crash he took at the airfield last month. My maid, Eldridge, has also been taken ill with a stomach complaint and requested to stay at the London house where she may be attended by a physician other than the village doctor. I cannot deny her because she has given faithful service the past two years, although I fail to comprehend why she would prefer London over the country. It is so difficult to keep good help these days, one must accommodate the servants almost as if they were the mistress and oneself the maid.

If you inform me when you intend to arrive with the children, I will have rooms aired for you.

Your sister-in-law,

Helen 

* * *

Miss Climpson’s Typing Bureau  
St. George’s Square, London  
1st December, 1940

My dear Lady Peter,

I hope you will forgive my writing to you, but, as Lord Peter _may_ have informed you before he was called away so suddenly, he informed me that in any situation of _real importance, _ I should feel no compunction in directing any questions of a _sensitive nature_ to your ladyship. As a situation has arisen which requires some _decisive action, _ I feel quite forced to take Lord Peter at his very generous word—which is of course more rightly a very generous offer on _your behalf, _ because it is you and not him at all whom I fear shall be perhaps a little taxed over this matter—and write directly to you for direction.

(Although I am sure dear Lord Peter is quite taxed enough as it is over this war business and whatever has called him out of town at such short notice for such an extended period of time, and I hope that any _flippancy _in my comments will not be taken amiss, and you will comprehend my understanding of the very grave importance of the work in which his lordship is currently engaged.)

I will now endeavor to lay out the _facts of the case_ as they were presented to me by Lord Peter, and the steps I have taken to further the investigation.

As you may be aware, this case involves a housemaid in the employ of your own dear brother-in-law, _the DUKE OF DENVER. _ Lord Peter brought the case to _me_ after Lord Wimsey brought the case to _him. _ The central point seemed to be that Lady Wimsey was not to be troubled with the case. I hope I will not be guilty of impertinence when I state that I believe his grace did not wish her grace to be informed of the matter _at all. _ I mention this _only_ lest you found yourself in a situation where the subject arose in a familial setting and you may have wished to have been aware that Lady Wimsey was _not privy to the facts. _

As Lord Wimsey related to Lord Peter, the case itself is really _very simple. _ The housemaid, Nellie, was engaged quite recently and with very little experience, but you yourself, my dear Lady Peter, will know quite well how difficult it is to find good help these days, and so her lack of experience was accepted as a necessary evil. Nellie was employed as part of a _reduced staff_ at the Duke’s house in London while most of the family are staying in the country. Nellie seemed to be working out satisfactorily until _small trinkets_ began to go missing from the premises. His grace being in residence at the London house, the housekeeper brought the matter to his attention, and he authorized the housekeeper to immediately confront Nellie. The housemaid _denied everything_ and provided an alibi for one week-end when a particular set of Dresden figurines had gone missing. Nellie had been away visiting her mother and she has _evidence to corroborate her story. _ It was at this point in the case that Lord Wimsey consulted Lord Peter, and Lord Peter subsequently requisitioned the services of our Bureau.

Lord Peter explained to me that Lord Wimsey has a special interest in establishing Nellie’s innocence, due to his sense of _integrity as an employer. _ Lord Peter wished me to understand that any _personal interest_ Lord Wimsey felt entitled to in the case must be seen as a _factor _but not given _undue weight. _ The reason Lady Wimsey was not to be consulted was because of the _special consideration_ Lord Wimsey felt toward Nellie which Lady Wimsey might not share. I hope, Lady Peter, that you will understand the matter as I am attempting to explain it. Lord Peter laid out all the facts of the case very neatly for me, but he has a delicacy of speech which I fear I lack. If any of this is unclear to you, please ask me for clarification and I will do my best to explain further while exercising _Christian charity_ and assuming the _best intentions_ of all those involved.

It was at this point that Lord Peter was obliged to leave for _parts unknown_ and he left the case in my hands. I commandeered one of our ladies immediately to establish whether Nellie might have managed to fake an alibi or if there were any other suspect for the theft of the trinkets. I selected Miss Winters for the job. She is a very intelligent woman who has been with the Bureau for three years. She investigated the alibi and has found that all the facts appear to be correct as related by Nellie.

We are left then with no other suspects, and I find myself at a loss. Lord Peter impressed upon me that we were not to merely endeavor to clear Nellie’s name, but to find the actual culprit, whether that were Nellie or another party entirely.

The next step as it appears to my poor intelligence, Lady Peter, is to establish one of our ladies from the Agency in a position of employment in the Duke’s own house so that we may gather information _in situ_ about past and possibly future thefts. I understand this is a bold step and it is the reason I am writing to you. If you feel this is not out of line, will you advise to whom I should apply next—Lord Peter, or Lord Wimsey, to make the necessary arrangements?

Sincerely yours,

Alexandra Katherine Climpson

* * *

Talboys, Hertfordshire  
2nd December, 1940

Dear Peter,

I received a letter from Miss Climpson today which I am forwarding to you in full, not for you to bother about, but because I thought you might find it an interesting or welcome distraction from whatever the worst is the Foreign Office has found to throw at you. I say the Foreign Office, but you know that I know you may be engaged in any number of matters outside of the Foreign Office which are vital to the war effort. I would say take care and I miss you, but you know that too.

Miss Climpson, with superhuman tact, managed to cover all the contingencies of family relationships in her letter to me, including the scenario in which you had laid all the facts of the case before me with husbandly devotion, and the alternative in which you had kept a manly quietude out of brotherly respect for the reigning duke. Thank you for choosing the former and filling me in on the mystery so I would not be surprised by Miss Climpson’s appeal. I have authorized Miss C to write directly to Gerald in order to establish an agent from the Cattery at the London house and get to the bottom of whatever is going on.

Do you really think Gerald is carrying on an affair with a housemaid in his own employ? I know his eye is wandering and his discretion somewhat lacking, but under his own roof? Or is it Jerry you suspect? Would Helen kick up more of a fuss over Gerald or Jerry, do you think? She has invited me and the children to stay at Duke’s Denver and I have naturally declined.

It is very quiet tonight. With the household put to bed and the blackout curtains pulled tight, one feels isolated from the rest of the world. Do you remember our first days at Talboys, before the electric generator, when the chimneys rebelled and the lamps smoked and all we could find to say to each other were quotations from Donne and a great deal of piffle? I feel the same tonight, that poets have taken all the words and left me none. _Coniugis ut magicis sanos avertere sacris experiar sensus nihil hic nisi carmina desunt_…I will be selfish tonight and say _mon cher homme, reviens-moi vite, et si tu penses à moi, pense à la poésie. _

[Several pages in the French language omitted.] 

* * * 

10th December, 1940  
[Location redacted] 

My dear Harriet, 

Forgive my tardy reply; the censors seem to be taking longer than usual and I only received your letter yesterday. I have been told, off the record by someone who knows about it, that if I did not insist upon receiving letters written in three languages, they might arrive to me sooner. To which I replied that if a man cannot read Latin he has no business reading my private correspondence. If by dull rhymes our English must be chain’d, then I despair of our educational system and the censors’ wits. 

Either my temper is fraying or my old age has caught up with me. The censors are only doing their jobs. I hope I shall not be too long about this job myself and shall be home before the new year. 

_Ite igitur, pueri, linguis animisque faventes  
sertaque delubris et farra inponite cultris  
ac mollis ornate focos glaebamque virentem.  
Iam sequar et sacro, quod praestat, rite peracto  
inde domum repetam, graciles ubi parva coronas  
accipiunt fragili simulacra nitentia cera.  
Hic nostrum placabo Iovem Laribusque paternis  
tura dabo atque omnis violae iactabo colores. _

_ _Thank you for taking care of business that ought not to be your trouble at all while I am away. I found Miss Climpson’s letter highly edifying. I note you did not forward Helen’s letter for my amusement. I ceased long ago to apologize for Helen’s tactlessness. Helen is a world unto herself—she ought to exist in a different universe, albeit a small and confining one, to which I will mentally consign her heretofore. I could be bounded in a nutshell, etc., although I am not sure Helen has enough imagination to have bad dreams._ _

_ _I honestly don’t know whether Gerald has strayed so far as to chase petticoats under his own roof, and with an appalling lack of fraternal devotion I find it difficult to care. He came to me terribly concerned over the case, however, and I felt I must do my best for him. It would have been child’s play to run up to London myself and ferret out the truth of the matter, but of course this call came at the last minute and off I went. Of government the properties to unfold would seem in me to affect speech and discourse, and I was forced to leave Gerald’s affairs in the capable hands of Miss Climpson and, apparently, yours as well._ _

_ _You are of course free to send any questions or correspondence my way, but with the posts as they are and my uncertain whereabouts, I trust your judgment entirely and thank you for troubling yourself in the matter._ _

_ _My dear, if I could think in poetry I would think entirely of you. I miss, not the comfortable domestic tableau of the smug English gentleman, but the comfort of conversation with you, your wit and intelligence that makes order of the chaos of the mind, if it cannot quite make order of all the troubles of the world._ _

_ _[Several pages in Latin omitted.]_ _

_ _* * *_ _

_ _15th December, 1940  
Duke’s Denver, Norfolk_ _

_ _Dear Aunt Harriet,_ _

_ _What is happening in town that has my pater in such a fuss? And who on earth is Nellie? I’ve just received a letter from my father instructing me to conduct my affairs with more propriety in future, assuring me he is taking care of matters and the mater will not be informed, and telling me that Uncle Peter and you, of all people, are involved in the matter. Uncle Peter can’t be reached come hell or high water. Take pity on your nephew and do tell me what’s going on. I have no idea what Father is on about and I beg you will fill me in, not because I give a damn but because convalescing in the countryside is the devil and all. Mother, who never shows any feeling at all, is apparently unnerved enough since my close shave in the aeroplane that Father is coming down rather heavily that nothing further should upset her, but damned if I know what he is talking about to begin with._ _

_ _My leg is rather better and I expect to report back to the air base within a fortnight, so do hurry and write to me before I flee the ancestral home in favor of service to king and country._ _

_ _Your nephew,_ _

_ _Jerry_ _

_ _* * *_ _

_ _Denver House  
Grosvenor Square, London  
17th December, 1940_ _

_ _Dear Lady Peter,_ _

_ _I have been instructed by Miss Climpson to direct correspondence directly to you regarding the case with Lord Wimsey’s staff. I have some information to impart, although I am sorry to say the case is not yet solved. _ _

_ _I obtained a position in the household with no difficulty, thanks to Lord Wimsey’s assistance. I have been assigned the duties of an upstairs maid. I do not believe the position was vacant or necessary with the house mostly closed up, so the work is quite light. There is a great deal of time for conversation, in which activity Nellie is eager to engage. I have also gained the partial confidence of Eldridge, Lady Wimsey’s personal maid who is laid up in bed at the house. The housekeeper, Morris, is more reticent in nature._ _

_ _Nellie is new to service, having been previously employed in a tearoom and, before that, as a review dancer. She boasted to me of an old friendship with Lord Saint-George. Upon further questioning, she admitted that the extent of their acquaintance was his greeting her along with several other dancers at the stage door of the theatre after various of her performances. She took pains to request that I do not share this information with Morris, who is ignorant of the connection. Although Nellie appears to be cleared of the thefts due to her watertight alibi last month, I am keeping a sharp eye on her and I intend to search her room, should the opportunity arise._ _

_ _Eldridge keeps very much to herself. She appears to be less in internal distress than she had led the duchess to believe. I inquired about this one day when Eldridge came down to the kitchen to take tea._ _

_ _“You have a better color today, Miss Eldridge,” remarked Morris, pouring tea._ _

_ _“Oh yes, Mrs. Morris, although it wasn’t so bad to begin with, you know. I shall be on the mend quite soon.”_ _

_ _“I hope not too soon,” said Morris, raising one eyebrow. “I shouldn’t be in any hurry to return to Norfolk if I were you, if you take my meaning.”_ _

_ _“Dear me, no, Mrs. Morris, not when to be in Town is very much more comfortable,” said Eldridge._ _

_ _I wondered aloud how anyone could prefer to be in London when the country is indisputably safer these days._ _

_ _“Wee-ell,” said Eldridge, casting a glance toward Morris, “between you and me, Miss Winters, I may say I find it more comfortable to be on board wages in Town than on full wages in the country, whatever the country may offer by way of a safer situation.”_ _

_ _“You will find, Miss Winters,” said Morris, “that her grace is a very exacting mistress. You will see what I mean when she next returns to London herself. You will not find the work so comfortable when she’s under the same roof.”_ _

_ _Eldredge drew breath to say something else, but Nellie entered the room at this point and the conversation turned rather abruptly. I am forced to believe that the senior members of her grace’s staff, at any rate, do not carry any great loyalty for their mistress._ _

_ _I hope, Lady Peter, you will forgive the frankness of my narrative and trust that I did nothing in word or deed to encourage seditious or disrespectful talk amongst the servants of his grace’s household._ _

_ _No more trinkets have gone missing. I will write again when I have any more useful information._ _

_ _Yours sincerely,_ _

_ _Virginia Winters_ _

_ _* * *_ _

_ _Denver House  
Grosvenor Square, London  
17th December, 1940_ _

_ _Dear Peter,_ _

_ _Good of you to take an interest in the trouble at the house. Mustn’t let Helen or Jerry be bothered until he’s back on his feet. Trying myself to cover Jerry’s tracks, damn him. If he must take up with dancers he ought to do it on his own and not encourage them to come on as housemaids. She came to me claiming an acquaintance with Jerry and I couldn’t turn her away until I found out Jerry’s intentions. Jerry has written to me denying everything so I shall send her packing and assume the matter is resolved._ _

_ _Helen writes to say Harriet and the children are coming to Denver any day. Have instructed Milton the groom to take the boys out on new pony. Hope they shall enjoy the fresh air._ _

_ _G._ _

_ _* * *_ _

_ _Denver House  
Grosvenor Square, London  
18th December, 1940_ _

_ _Dear Lady Peter,_ _

_ _Nellie was dismissed yesterday on the duke’s orders. Three china teacups and a vase have been discovered missing today. I will write when I have more information._ _

_ _In haste,_ _

_ _Virginia Winters_ _

_ _* * *_ _

_ _Cable from Lady Peter Wimsey to Miss Virginia Winters, 18th December, 1940__

_ __ _

_ __ _

__HAVE YOU SEARCHED ELDRIDGE’S ROOM STOP H WIMSEY_ _

_ _* * *_ _

_ _Denver House  
Grosvenor Square, London  
19th December, 1940_ _

_ _Peter,_ _

_ _Damned if it wasn’t the dancer at all but Helen’s own private maid causing all this fuss. Helen will have to be told now and the devil knows she will be put out. Damned lot of worry._ _

_ _Miss Winters, the lady inquiry agent you sent to the house you know, tells me it was Harriet’s idea to look into Eldridge’s movements. I’ve always owned Harriet is very intelligent. Quite beyond my comprehension. Indebted to her, and to you too of course. Have written Helen must express appreciation when Harriet and the boys arrive Denver. Helen still unsure when expected arrival. _ _

_ _Trust you are safe and well._ _

_ _Your brother_ _

_ _G._ _

_ _* * *_ _

_ _Duke’s Denver, Norfolk  
20th December, 1940_ _

_ _Dear Harriet,_ _

_ _I am obliged to motor up to London today to take care of a domestic matter. Denver informs me there has been some trouble over the staff. I am rather astonished to find he has been employing not one but multiple housemaids without my oversight while he has been in Town. He had a notion of sparing me trouble, but I am not at all sure he has properly checked references. It is a great inconvenience to me. He will return with me to Norfolk when we have settled matters with the staff. I trust you are not planning to arrive at Denver while I am away. Will you please write to tell me when you intend to come to Denver. Jerry is nearly convalesced but I shall need some time to prepare the bedrooms and nursery for the children._ _

_ _Helen_ _

_ _* * *_ _

_ _Talboys, Hertfordshire  
21st December, 1940_ _

_ _Dear Peter,_ _

_ _Gerald’s problem seems to be resolved. How long has Miss Winters been in Miss Climpson’s employ? I found her to be intelligent in her correspondence but rather lacking in detectival imagination. She was determined to break the poor housemaid Nellie’s alibi when apparently Nellie had no thoughts at all of petty theft, her crimes apparently being focused around ensnaring poor Jerry. Helen has written that she is coming down heavy and I trust she will now take her domestic and family affairs back into her own hands. _ _

_ _Helen still seems under the impression that I am bringing the children to Norfolk. I have written to her reiterating my intention to stay at Talboys, but I wonder if I am missing something? Do you care one way or another? If you wish the Denver heirs settled at their ancestral home I will gird my loins and pack up the household, but meanwhile we are quite content here._ _

_ _Bredon has just come in pouring blood from his nose, so I shall put this in the post and write more later. _ _

_ _Love,_ _

_ _Harriet_ _

_ _P.S. Bredon is fine, although I am not sure the stains will come out of the carpet._ _

_ _* * *_ _

_ _Cable from Lord Peter Wimsey to Lady Peter Wimsey, 24th December, 1940__

_ __ _

_ __ _

__FOR GOD’S SAKE STAY TALBOYS STOP CANNOT STOMACH HELEN AT CHRISTMASTIME STOP ARRIVING HOME TOMORROW STOP LOVE PETER_ _

**Author's Note:**

> References
> 
> _"Coniugis ut magicis sanos avertere sacris experiar sensus nihil hic nisi carmina desunt"_ – Virgil, _Eclogue VIII_
> 
> “If by dull rhymes our English must be chain’d” – Keats
> 
> _"Ite igitur, pueri, linguis animisque faventes," _ etc. – Juvenal, _Satura XII_
> 
> "I could be bounded in a nutshell" – Shakespeare, _Hamlet_
> 
> "Of government the properties to unfold would seem in me to affect speech and discourse" – Shakespeare, _Measure for Measure_


End file.
